Saturday, December 20, 2008


Here's a note from my profile on facebook (where I can be found if you are so inclined) and thanks to a friend there for the idea.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. My experience with these type lists as peeks at one's persona has been somewhat inane, so I'll try to make this one interesting.
2. I am just about the only person I know without a cell phone, and I remain wholly uninterested in getting one. I don't have a credit card, either.
3. At the end of The Raiders of the Lost Ark, they crated up the ark in a box numbered 9906763. Cats and bears are alike in that they both lack collarbones. In seventh grade my locker number was 785 and the combination was 7-9-39.
4. I have long since given up hope of trying to make sense of my retention of useless knowledge.
5. There is only so much a person can do for someone who has made up their mind to be unhappy.
6. With ceaseless frustration I read typographical errors and poor grammar penned by so-called reporters whose better I am.
7. Even though I have had plenty of them, I know that regrets are ultimately for chumps.
8. It would be hard to choose which is better: doing something you know you like, or finding out about something you were previously unaware you liked.
9. Rap music was a lot better when they actually said something.
10. I didn't vote for Obama but I am pretty sure he is going to do better than the pissed-off old man for whom I did vote.
11. I tend to shake my head when I read a sentence ended in a preposition.
12. Working outside when it's too hot, I can accurately judge the onset of hyperthermia by whether or not I can mentally diagram a sentence.
13. I need more guns like I need chiggers, but I remain on the lookout for a sweet deal on something I do not have.
14. While I can't say I am proud of never having graduated college, I am unable see that it would have made any difference.
15. These list of entries are coming a lot easier than I thought they would.
16. Fans of 80s popular music tend to conveniently forget how very much of it sucked.
17. I keep a blog that not many people read and fewer still comment on, and I persist for the sense of accomplishment it gives me.
18. My best friend in the whole world died inside my shattered car in 2001 and has yet to be rivaled on my friendship totem. The world is still a less-interesting place without you, Mark Howard!
19. I have always taken a small amount of pride in the fact that not everybody gets my jokes.
20. People who make a big deal about their resentment of Mexican immigrants ought to be reminded that unless you're Native American, your people were immigrants, too.
21. Men who find it necessary to ridicule overweight woman generally see nothing wrong with wearing flip-flops with jeans.
22. Though I am fully aware of her being married and probably having stalkers, there is not much I can think of that would be more appealing than a date with Robin Meade from CNN.
23. There are a wide range of emotions and expressions of one's self that do not translate well on the Internet, but those are largely limited to those who do not communicate well in person, either.
24. I have a good friend whose well-being I can judge by the amount of fwd:fwd:fwd spam emails he sends me. And I know when it's an email he wrote by himself, because it won't have a subject line.
25. I don't care how comfortable Crocs are, you look like a dumbass!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Riverchase Gonorrhea

Pardon my affectionate name for our state's biggest mall; I gave it that nickname long ago and for some reason it stuck. Geez, has that really been 20 years ago??It had been awhile since I darkened the door of the Galleria, and I knew full well that Alabama's High Temple of Consumption would be in full swing 13 days before Christmas. Ordinarily, I would consider me willingly visiting the place to be a hint that needed my head checked. But I remembered loving a taste of holiday hustle and bustle when I was a kid, and thought Griffin and Carlie might like to see it. I was right.We didn't use "flyover" express exit lane that was added several years ago, and judging from traffic conditions, it would not have mattered much if we had. We entered from U.S. Highway 31, passing two conspicuously vacant buildings among the mall's outparcels and the Wynfrey Hotel. One of the main mall's anchor stores was vacant, too, and for some reason, the much-needed parking area in front of its entrance was ROPED OFF. We drove past that, and past more roped-off parking (valet area that time) and the hunt for a space began. Once parked, the walk was not bad, though I did carry Carlie to minimize my effort of keeping track of kids.We got in and walked, and walked, and walked. The mall was pretty much the way I remembered it, minus the arcade and a few very esoteric stores, replaced with stores that appeared to offer equally useless stuff as the ones that were gone. I was perturbed to find that the space that used to be nothing but bathrooms was also gone, but we went into Belk's to take care that business.Overall the whole mingling-in-a-crowd thing was not bad, actually enjoyable at times, to my surprise. The only sore spot was the food court, where the number of diners far, far, exceeded the amount of seating. We ate our Chik-Fil-A sitting on the floor like many others.The kids loved playing at the few toy stores the mall has, riding the glass elevator and the escalators--every time! At Radio Shack, of all places, I got them a little something that the like playing with to take home, which coincided with them asking, is it time to go yet? And with that, we were out of there.

Monday, December 1, 2008

You know you speak Pellinese when...

Some of these came to me while I was driving yesterday, so I wrote them down and more followed. Surely there are more...please contribute!

You know you speak Pellinese when... heard Dr. Haynes tell you to quit smoking, and noticed the pack of Pall Malls in his shirt pocket. suddenly forget how to use your turn signals when turning from Comer Avenue onto U.S. 231. give driving directions using landmarks that aren't there any more, and the person still gets where they needed to be. are glad when you hear a sick friend or relative wasn't admitted to "our" hospital but was sent to Birmingham instead. know we are getting a theater about the same time monkeys fly out of your butt. still remember which Wal-Marts are closest, and which of them are nicer, from the time before we had a Wal-Mart of our own. can accurately predict (within a month) how short-lived the latest restaurant will be at the old Rexall downtown. can tell when local newspaper reporters are being lied to because you know what kind of person their source is. remember when Eastwood Mall was as far into Birmingham as you ever needed to go. know how to get around stopped traffic on I-20 while the others motorists have to sit there and take it. no longer have to read the menu at restaurants in town because you know them all by heart. don't eat the Steak House because you are not old enough yet. see a house that is always for sale, and know why. are unable to figure out why someone you know on the City Council wants to be there. see high school kids hanging out at Sonic, and realize it's just the new Dairy Queen with better car stereos.